The 3rd Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I
got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and
a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the
Smith's and nobody offered me a damzed thing."
The 4th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 5th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
Friday, May 29, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Extra Marital Affairs
The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell
asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub
them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having
a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the
two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell
asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub
them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having
a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the
two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
Friday, May 22, 2009
Cool Meanings in new Dictionary.
1. Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at
the other.
2. Love affairs :
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more
popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage :
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master .
4. porce :
Future tense of marriage .
5. Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise :
The art of piding a cake in such a way that everybody believes he
got the biggest piece.
8. Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine
water-power. ..
9. Dictionary :
A place where porce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody
disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy :
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never
felt before.
12. Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee:
Inpiduals who can do nothing inpidually and sit to
decide thatnothing can be done together.
18. Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am
not injured yet."
24. Pessimist :
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of
the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .
25. Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father:
A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer :
One who gets paid for reading such mails...
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at
the other.
2. Love affairs :
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more
popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage :
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master .
4. porce :
Future tense of marriage .
5. Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise :
The art of piding a cake in such a way that everybody believes he
got the biggest piece.
8. Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine
water-power. ..
9. Dictionary :
A place where porce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody
disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy :
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never
felt before.
12. Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee:
Inpiduals who can do nothing inpidually and sit to
decide thatnothing can be done together.
18. Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am
not injured yet."
24. Pessimist :
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of
the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .
25. Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father:
A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer :
One who gets paid for reading such mails...
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Jokes of the day ,Poor Family
The daughter of a wealthy business man was asked at school to
write a story about a poor family. Her story start:
“Once upon a time there was a poor family .
The mother was poor. The father was poor.
The children were poor. The chauffer was poor.
The butler was poor. The maid was poor.
The gardener was poor. Every body was poor.
write a story about a poor family. Her story start:
“Once upon a time there was a poor family .
The mother was poor. The father was poor.
The children were poor. The chauffer was poor.
The butler was poor. The maid was poor.
The gardener was poor. Every body was poor.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Jokes of the day , During a hot noon in London
During a hot noon in London, an old beggar collapsed on the road immediately a crowed
Gathered and began offering suggestion. “Give the poorman a drink of whiskey”, a
little
Old lady said, “Give him some air” said several men.
“Get him to a hospital” someone suggested.
“Give him a drink of whiskey” said the old lady again.
The babble continued until all at once victim up.
“Will you all shut up and listen t the little old lady!” he hollered”
Gathered and began offering suggestion. “Give the poorman a drink of whiskey”, a
little
Old lady said, “Give him some air” said several men.
“Get him to a hospital” someone suggested.
“Give him a drink of whiskey” said the old lady again.
The babble continued until all at once victim up.
“Will you all shut up and listen t the little old lady!” he hollered”
Monday, May 11, 2009
Happy Mothers Day ....
Mom,
I want to say I love you.In a very special way.
You mean so very much to me.You're in my thoughts each day.
I love the time I spend with you,And the laughter that we share.
The special times when we talk,I know you really care.
I know that I can count on you.If ever I need a friend.
And if I'm feeling a little sad,Your shoulder you will lend.
As Mother's Day comes around,I hope you feel my love.
A special blessing from above.
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